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When I first got into therapy, my docs figured out early on that I could hide a great deal in my writing. So, they took my journals from me and gave me instead a drawing pad and pencils. I was so incredibly frustrated not because I couldn't draw, but for the simple reason I didn't know how to mask my true feelings in a drawing.
But like any good patient I did my assignments and drew. My drawings have a certain quality to them that make them clearly mine. I continued to humor my therapists concerning their take on my situation (my "DIAGNOSIS"), until I found in my drawing a pad a picture that was undoubtedly mine, but I didn't remember drawing it. It also had a younger quality to it, very similar to my drawings in my early teens.
I was officially freaked out. Not to mention, extremely irritated with the smug arrogance of my care givers. I had always hated " I told you so " attitudes. Just because this big thing had occurred for me that I couldn't explain away didn't give them the right to gloat about their accuracy in diagnosing the new girl.
Soon I was drawing constantly. I think I was trying to practice enough to where I could control what came out in the therapeutic pieces. However, I had no such luck. Truthfully, it was probably the best way for me to truly discover for myself the validity of my pain and despair. I drew for a number of years fairly consistently. I actually had a showing at a local art gallery. Some of my pieces are in a rape crisis center, and a few counseling offices.
I don't draw nearly as often as I'd like and probably should but when I find my self unable to write, drawing always pulls the truth forth from within me. So, if journaling is difficult for you or you're having a hard time putting it into words; maybe you should try drawing, painting, sculpting, whatever creative way you can get it out. It worked for me and for some other friends I've made over the years. Survivor Art offers some of the most powerful glimpses into our world's reality. It isn't easy and rarely is it fun, but if done with a strong support system it can open up a whole in experience in dealing with your issues.
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Hey you! Well written. It's true, art is an amazing form of communication and its certainly allowed you on many levels to work through the tramas of your life.
ReplyDeleteHugs! Miss ya sis,
Lo
John & Stasi Eldredge A Guided Journal - Captivating:
ReplyDelete“From water and stone, to pomegranate and rose, to leopard and nightingale, creation ascends in beauty. The plot is thickening; the symphony is building and swelling, higher and higher to a crescendo. No wonder “The morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy” (Job 38:7 NJKV). A great hurrah goes up from the heavens. The greatest of all masterpieces is emerging. What was once formless and empty in now overflowing with life and color and sound and movement in a thousand variations. Most importantly, notice that each creature is more intricate and noble and mysterious than the last. A cricket is amazing, but it cannot compare to a wild horse.
“Then something truly astonishing takes place. God sets his own image on the earth. He creates a being like himself. He creates a son.
“The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
- Gen. 2:7 NKJV-
“It is worth noting here the glorious intimacy of man’s creation. All the rest of God’s masterpiece sprang into being merely from God speaking it to be. “Then God spoke….” But when it came time for God to create his image bearers, he formed them with his own hands. He breathed life into them himself.
“It is nearing the end of the sixth day, the end of the Creator’s great labor, as Adam steps forth, the image of God, the triumph of his work. He alone is pronounced the son of God. Nothing in creation even comes close. Picture Michelangelo’s David. He is – magnificent. Truly the masterpiece seems complete. And yet, the Master says that something is not good, not right. Something is missing – and that something is Eve.
“To make clear the point, what did God create last? Who is the final, astonishing work of God?
“She is the crescendo, the final, astonishing work of God. Woman. In one last flourish creation comes to a finish not with Adam, but with Eve. She is the Master’s finishing touch. . . . Eve is – breathtaking.
“Given the way creation unfolds, how it builds to ever higher and higher works of art, can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought. Not a nice addition like an ornament on a tree. She is God’s final touch, his piéce de résistance. She fills a place in the world nothing and no one else can fill. Step to a window, ladies, if you can. Better still, find some place with a view. Look out across the earth and say to yourself, “the whole, vast world is incomplete without me. Creation reached its zenith in me.”
Dad
You Go girl! I am so happy you have chosen to tell your story so that others might benefit. It took courage (guts) to move forward with it, knowing some might see it and have to admit they need to embrace "our" Becca for who she is. It may even touch the hearts of those who "told you so" if they should choose to or accidentally stumble upon your blog.
ReplyDeleteLots of love and hugs galore from,
Mom