To Love Or Not To Love Whether We Agree Or Not

I am learning that loving someone doesn't mean you must agree with them in every area of life. Because love is not based on like mindedness, commonality, or agreement. It is based on a divine gift given human beings by our Creator. It is the ability to love someone or something because we choose to; not because they deserve it, have earned it, or require it. It is simply a choice.

Throughout my lifetime, I have been blessed to love and be loved by more than my share of family and friends and I find that I rarely agree with many of them on different issues of this life. For the longest time I believed that if I disagreed with someone I loved, it meant our love was not real or as strong it should be. That mindset left me with much unnecessary turmoil and conflict in certain relationships.

Recently, I received a letter from a loved one that I totally disagreed with. For quite a few days I really struggled with what that meant about my relationship with that individual. I finally came to a place of decision and realized something very interesting. The fact that we disagree wasn't effecting our care for one another but rather that I was making that disagreement mean something about the validity of the love we share. I truly thought that I had to do something to restore my devotion to this person or admit my lack of love for them.

As the days wore on, I continued to torture myself over this painful realization. Finally, it occurred to me that if one of us were to die that night, the sum of our relationship would not be based on if we agreed on certain subjects but instead on the fact that even in our disagreements we truly love one another because we chose to. We loved each other just as God chooses to continue to love us whether we deserve it or not. God's depth of love is evident in this; " God demonstrates His own love for us in this: That while we were still sinners Christ died for us." Rom.5:8

I continue to love because God continues to love me and if He can love me as I am, then who am I, to choose not to love another person regardless of their views and opinions. This may sound a bit simplistic to some but for someone who has been abused, another survivor's insights can deeply impact further healing in the journey of complete restoration. That is my greatest hope as I write these words even now. May your week be blessed with reminders of the loves you have known in your life and what a privilege it is to choose to love as God loves us.

When I Can't Write, I Draw

When I first got into therapy, my docs figured out early on that I could hide a great deal in my writing. So, the counselors took my journals from me and gave me instead a drawing pad and pencils. I was so incredibly frustrated not because I couldn't draw, but for the simple reason I didn't know how to mask my true feelings in a drawing.


But like any good patient I did my assignments and drew. My drawings have a certain quality to them that make them clearly mine. I continued to humor my therapists concerning their take on my situation (my "DIAGNOSIS"), until I found in my drawing a pad a picture that was undoubtedly mine, but I didn't remember drawing it. It also had a younger quality to it, very similar to my drawings in my early teens.


I was officially freaked out. Not to mention, extremely irritated with the smug arrogance of my care givers. I had always hated " I told you so " attitudes. Just because this big thing had occurred for me that I couldn't explain away didn't give them the right to gloat about their accuracy in diagnosing the new girl.


Soon I was drawing constantly. I think I was trying to practice enough to try and could control what came out in the therapeutic pieces. However, I had no such luck. Truthfully, it was probably the best way for me to truly discover for myself the validity of my pain and despair. I drew for a number of years fairly consistently. I actually had a showing at a local art gallery. Some of my pieces are in a rape crisis center, and a few counseling offices.

I don't draw nearly as often as I'd like and probably should but when I find myself unable to write, drawing always pulls the truth forth from within me. So, if journaling is difficult for you or you're having a hard time putting it into words; maybe you should try drawing, painting, sculpting, whatever creative way you can get it out. It worked for me and for some other friends I've made over the years. Survivor Art offers some of the most powerful glimpses into our world's reality. It isn't easy and rarely is it fun, but if done with a strong support system it can open up a whole in experience in dealing with your issues.